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風馬牛學習筆記發布時間：04-3022:59交通堵塞在全世界所有城市都是個難題，請分析原因并提出可能的解決措施。In cities and towns all over the world the high volume of traffic is a problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem?雅思大作文批改范例 6.0分01主體第一段Traffic jam poses a serious【+negative，要說明白是壞的影響】 effect on social system in cities and towns all over the world.【建議你開頭段分開一段說，先是你這句背景陳述，然后概括一下文章，this passage will illustrate the main causes of this phenomenon and provide some feasible suggestions to tackle this problem】 The first reason is urbanization.As cities are densely populated, 【前后是重復的，而不是as一般意義的前者導致后者，隨著城市人口增加，鄉下人搬進城市，這句話有點別扭啦。 可以把as從句刪掉。】a lot of people from countryside move to modern cities for potential employment, medical welfare and advanced education.However, the transportation system of plans made by governments cannot keep the pace with the its change, which cause the constant traffic problems we occasionally face on the streets.02主體第二段On the other hand【on the other hand表示的是轉折結構，你想表示并列可以用besides等】, as the development of economy, people in majority of countries have more and more money using【money和use之間是被動關系，used更合適】 in consumption.A large number of them would choose to buy vehicles for convenient and efficient【注意詞性的辨析，這里應該接名詞，convenience and efficiency】, which result in a steep increase of private cars for decades. Furthermore, obtaining a drive license have became【完成時是become】 easier, which make an increase of drivers that also is a reason for traffic problems nowadays.03結尾第三段From my point of view, I think that there are many solutions to high volume of traffic. First of all, governments should allocate more money to update transportation system so that citizens could choose public transportations, like bus, subway rather than private cars. And 【and不要直接放在句首連接句子，這樣是口語化的的說法，需要furthermore等詞語】setting laws to curb private vehicle use is also a wise decision. For example, governments could encourage【前后矛盾了，前面是law，后面是encourage，如果你前面是law，舉例子也要舉法規而不是鼓勵人們做什麼】 citizens share private cars, impose high tax on purchase of car【還可以收汽油稅】 and make driver license test tougher. All these methods could alleviate traffic pressure.【建議加一個結尾段總結一下你的觀點】· 寫作任務回應：從文章結構來看，建議你增加一個開頭段，背景陳述之后加一句話概括一下全文的內容（reasons and methods），也是對題目更好的回應。· 連貫與銜接：1、on the other hand是表示轉折結構的，你第二個主體段開頭應該使用besides等詞語。 2、and不要直接放在句首連接句子，這樣是口語化的的說法，需要furthermore等詞語· 詞匯與語法：有一點小的語法問題，比如用錯詞性，雖然不影響理解但是會造成失分，文章注解都給了相應的修正，請思考錯誤原因、做出改正、下次注意。· 提升建議：1、注意一下IELTS大作文最低字數250字，一般寫到270左右為好，字數少了會被認為論述不充分，造成失分。 2、文章最好寫成總分總的結構。

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